Hello there! Didn’t mean to fall off the face of planet blog-world, but I’ve been off-line more than on lately. In our neck o’ the woods, my only connection to humanity is via satellite; when the skies bust loose and dump buckets, I get no signal. Or as The Man Of Few Words says: “We don’t get rain, we get monsoons.” (Who’da thunk it in Oklahoma?) Anyway, it gave me plenty of time to think, and here’s what I’ve been thinking about.
Nature’s colors repeat themselves.
As I was savoring this tropical medley on the deck yesterday (in between monsoons), a pair of mango-colored orioles fluttered overhead, followed by a strawberry-red cardinal and a kiwi-hued hummingbird. Sheer joy!
And then… a seed got stuck in my teeth. (Sorry for the visual, but I figured you could relate to that feeling.) After dashing into the house for a toothpick to extricate the offender, I meandered outside again to ponder life’s lil’ analogies.
During the past week I’ve felt happiness, despair, joy, grief, love, heartache, laughter, tears, empathy, anger, relief, and concern as the special folks God put in my life shared their hearts with me. These feelings felt very familiar — like déjà vu.
Emotions repeat themselves, too.
Whether triggered by good news or bad — past memories or present-day realities — involuntary circumstances or voluntary circumspection — the truth is plain and simple: we’re meant to feel a fruit salad of emotions.
Dealing with them is another matter.
At one time in my life, I opted to ‘not feel’ when things got dicey. I wasn’t equipped (then) to meet my emotions head-on and I believed it was better to feel ‘nothing’ than to feel anything. As a result, I spent a lot of time ‘wishing’ things were different. (Funny how life still happens while you’re avoiding emotions — and decision making.) I finally figured out that ‘not feeling’ is a decision, and that life is the result of every decision I’ve ever made — intentionally or not, emotionally or not.
I’ve come to the conclusion that there will always be situations without quick solutions (or any resolution at all), as well as moments so vibrant and colorful they take my breath away — and everything in between! They’re all in the salad bowl — including ‘seeds’ — and I shortchange myself when I don’t experience every single one of them.
Sometimes it takes gritting my teeth to power through.
Anger and injustice still catch me by surprise — so does grief — but (for me) they’re rooted in ‘caring deeply.’ Out of the ashes rises the Phoenix.
Then there’s elation. I love feeling elated! (Who doesn’t?) Yet it comes with a double-edged sword: the air gets pretty thin up there, clinging to mountain-top moments. When I climb down from the fantastic and live what’s in front of me — which is pretty darn good — life is better. (Or at least more balanced.) There’s nothin’ wrong with reviewing stellar moments now and then, but elation tends to elicit comparison and it subtly edges out gratitude. Nothing will ever be as wonderful/marvelous/woohoo as ‘that’ time, so smile and let it goooooo.
As for the rest of the emotional medley — well, I’ll take it as it comes. Like fruit salad. And, sometimes…
I just use a bigger toothpick. ;)
Enjoying fruit salad,
How (and what) are YOU feeling today?
© 2014 Kim Bultman and a little lunch