Out of the Shadows

Storm

I’ve been living in the shadows lately… partially defined, somewhat indistinct… and mostly due to Oklahoma’s meteorological mayhem since we moved into our house — never mind an unprecedented case of “Seasonal Affective Disorder” and wonky Do Over circumstances. (I thought Minnesota’s weather wreaked havoc on my psyche!) Sheesh.

Frequently unannounced absences from this space (due to life and whatnot) have also contributed to my lack of continuity and well-being. I started “this” for the express purpose of “expressing myself” (four-odd years ago) and when I don’t write regularly, I feel it down to my toes… or act like the cloud pictured above.

I’ve also been missing “playing” in my comment section. I’m a responder! When I don’t respond, I feel awful. (I imagine you do, too.) Thank you for your comment just doesn’t do it for me, and not replying to your comments does me in completely! I promise to be a lil’ more interactive from now on, xo.

Speaking of Minnesota… I just returned from a 17 day sojourn there, mostly spent with my Mom who recently turned 80 — can you say surprise party? ;) Mom has no internet. (Can you say cranky?) Thank goodness The Man Of Few Words has weathered More.Than.One of my artistic temperamental storms and knows that hugs cure my ills. I’m positive for the most part, but I have my moments.

And, speaking of The Man of Few Words… today is the first day he hasn’t been somewhere in the house (new or temporary) in over eight months. (!) I love that man to pieces, but sometimes a girl’s gotta have a lil’ breathing room — even though he provides plenty of “room” with his quiet countenance. (No offense to retirees, folks with disabilities and/or illness, or who stay home together by choice — good for you!) TMOFW started a new job today and I feel like Queen For A Day. ‘Nuff said.

Anyhoo, I’m amazed (or taken aback) at how seldom I’ve asserted myself here during these past months considering how much I love to write. (And how cathartic it is.) It’s not that I don’t want to; it’s just that I don’t know how to say what’s on my mind sometimes. (Either that, or I’m plain ol’ wimpy… or sparing you from a bunch of indistinct whining.) Call it post traumatic stress syndrome, coping, or whatever (!), I’ve been peeking at life (including yours) more than participating and I don’t like it. Definitely not moi!

(At least I’m definite about something…)

Thankfully shadows are created by light, and that’s what I’ve chosen to focus on during these tentative, tumultuous months — silver linings and all that. With light, ordinary every day objects transform into art… plus they make me smile.

On a personal basis, I’ve been redefining what I want out of life and honing my edges, which isn’t easy for a “soft” person like me. I’d much rather float along with the status quo and avoid decision-making, confrontation, opinion-stating, (and/or social media) unless I absolutely have to — yet I know full well that honest communication is a two-way street and it involves speaking my mind (and listening to yours) so we can both say “what we think.”

(Sometimes I think too much.)

Otherwise, how can anyone know what I — or you — feel? Bring it on!

Wall Flower

“There you are… don’t be shy.”

I’m finally out of the shadows.

In the light at long last.

Living my life and looking forward to celebrating yours!

Enjoying better-late-than-never illuminations,

~ Kim

15 thoughts on “Out of the Shadows

  1. Kim…I do think you’ve been affected more than you realize by the traumas that have happened in such a short time span over the past year and a half. Sometimes that shadowing veil comes on so insidiously that we don’t realize it until darkenss sets in, and we’re whopped in the head saying ‘Wow…what the heck is happening to me!!’ Expressing it, sharing it is the first step to conquering it…and these are words from Dr. Alice!! Love you kiddo! xoxo You are my sunshine!!

  2. Shedding light on the shadows will help you every day. You’ve been through hell and back and taking a little time to sort through the memories and decide which ones aren’t serving you is a good thing. I’m so glad to see you!

    • Maureen, whoever came up with the term ‘deciding which ones aren’t serving you’ ought to win the Nobel Prize for sanity. Often we get so caught up with serving others (cuz we’re just plain nice!) that we forget to tend to our own needs. Part of the problem is remaining in that ‘undecided’ state (or avoiding the decision altogether!) and the rest is follow-through.

      As the ol’ saying goes: “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” I’m a much happier camper (TMOFW, too) when I make those distinctions, come hell or high water. (I’ve been through both this past year — but so have you!) Take care of yourself, my friend and much-loved neighbor! xo

  3. Lovely to hear from you again, Kim. I know what you mean about having your own space. I work from home and feel I need the house to myself to give me a fighting chance. I’ve had my daughter home for months and as much as I love her, I really need a chunk in the day when I’m not being interrupted. Happy 80th to your mum – that’s a great age and I hope the surprise party went well. No internet? Unbelievable. I’ve just been away for a weekend and there was no wifi at the house we booked. I’m now so behind in all things internet and social media xx

    • Charlie, I’ve sooooo neglected my blog — your blog — everybody’s blogs! (My bad…) The whole reason I got into this forum was for companionship (life on the lake is lonely sometimes), wit, humor, recipes, and intelligent conversations. Yours are always a highlight! FYI, I don’t do well with interruptions either… every time I set my mind to something, the phone rings or somebody ‘needs’ something (or I imagine they do.) I have to work on that — always the elusive happy medium, ha!

      Mom’s surprise party was a smash! Over 40 folks showed up after I made only 3 phone calls soliciting “help.” (I think therein lies the key to our “needs.”) Delegate, delegate, delegate (or speak up!) — without guilt. We’re entitled, too. xo

      • P.S. Even worse than no internet… my cell phone signal was ‘hit or miss’ there. (And I don’t have a “smart” phone.) I felt totally out of touch! But, I read a 700 page book in the interim and enjoyed a few martini’s. Rural life ain’t so bad after all. ;)

        • Hi Kim, It is so lovely to read your beautiful blog I found you following Celia.Was very inspired by your writing as I love Celia’s blog and when she shared with us what you had been through last year, I have been looking forward to each blog you write,and whats In My Kitchen.So very happy that you are “Better-late-than-never illuminations” xo

          • Hi, Madison! Celia sure does has a gift for bringing people together, doesn’t she? Thank you for the compliment on my writing (aw, shucks… :) and also for your happy thoughts and wishes. Much appreciated!

  4. Kim, enjoyed reading the reasons you started your blog. Since you are a “relative” newbie, did you ever wonder if anyone would read and write back? Thinking about joining in, but have not hit the post it button yet.

    • Nancy, comments are the whipped cream on top of the privilege of writing, but they’re surprisingly fickle. I’ve had posts that I thought were “good” that got few or no comments, and some that were “okay” with a ton of comments. (It also depends on how busy folks are. Been there, done that!) Mostly I write for myself (and my sanity, lol) and then see what comes down the pike. Be brave and hit that post button! It’s a fun way to meet people and you never know who might be reading, whether they leave a comment or not. :) Thanks and take care.

  5. …….Weeping may endure for the night, but JOY cometh in the morning! Psalm 30:5
    This is one of my favorites and has gotten me through a few low points in my life. I’ll let you adopt it as a favorite, too, and hope it helps to bring the sunshine back into your life and your smile! Go hug TMOFW for me, too!

    • Marian, we’re actually getting a glut of sunshine now (near 100’s or over 100 every day) and TMOFW and I are LOVING IT! Thanks for letting me adopt your favorite Psalm, xo.

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